To be honest, I do not want to write this post right now.
To be honest, when I looked at my calendar and saw it was on my to-do list, I sank with dread.
To be honest, none of this really matters.
One thing I've been working on lately is honoring my commitments. I've done this in two ways - deliberately scheduling tasks for dates and times, and knowing myself well enough not to over-commit.
My word for 2020 is "space", like "openness", like "expansive", like "freedom".
I am actively working to create these sensations in my day-to-day experiences and long-term plans. This has required me to list my values priorities and find effective ways of honoring them. This has meant sacrificing certain beliefs I've held about myself and other people in order to create the life I've envisioned. This has required me to tolerate my feelings of discouragement, lethargy, apathy, discomfort, in order to accomplish what I intend.
This means if I want to be a better teacher, I take time to research and truly consider my students' individual needs. If I want to feel prepared on the day of an audition, I practice - both repertoire and self-valuing thoughts. If I want to show up as the best version of myself, I take time to understand what that means and create an environment for myself where I can thrive.
This means I work, regardless of whether or not I want to. This means I write this post, because I am committed to consistency and reliability.
The results have always been worth this effort.
If you are struggling to find results for yourself - in your musical practice or otherwise - ask yourself how your goals align with your values. Envision yourself embodying those values. Experience the sensations of this accomplishment deeply in your being. Commit to this experience. Commit to yourself. You deserve it all.
P.S. My Music Therapy Graduate Program Audition is February 7, 2020 - updates to follow!